Where Am I

Well, it has been over a year now since I started this blog and moved out to Vegas, and what do I have to say for myself? Hmm...Well, I love driving. That's been an amazing development in my life and I look forward to getting better and driving on the freeway. I do love using my brain and consequently, I've enjoyed the rehearsal director aspect of my job, I am good at it (particularly the administrative part of it). I love our apartment, I love having my own office space. I enjoy the ease of life out here - I just go to work and come home, that's all I have to worry about, pretty much. I love our puppy, she's a very special dog. On the flip side, I do feel isolated sometimes, I don't do anything else other than work, I don't like the night life here, which sometimes leaves me out of the loop with castmates, including my husband, and I hate having asthma and allergies. I feel boring and old out here, and perhaps that's all my fault because I haven't been that proactive in finding things other than the job to do out here. And I keep cutting my hair to kind of boost my self-image, and it's been working (it's not that short) but I keep wishing I could tone up a bit, but I never do anything about it. You see, the answers seem so simple - find extracurricular activities, exercise, go out to the clubs. And yet, I haven't brought myself to do any of those things. And that's because I am SO tired. That's what it all comes down to, I am EXHAUSTED. If I could somehow tap into the old me, the me that somehow feels inherently tied to the streets of New York, if I could somehow release that me that is trapped somewhere inside the me here in Vegas, I could maybe enjoy my time here more fully, and relax more. I don't feel like myself out here, not completely. Or I feel like only some aspects of myself are engaged, but other parts are stunted or stuck for some reason. One thing I noticed about living here is that it is easy to feel isolated - Vegas is expansive, there is so much empty space out here. And to get anywhere, you have to travel in your car. You spend so much time in your own little box (your house or your car). Whereas in NY, you are forced to delve into the social mix just by walking down the street to the corner store. Or by a quick subway ride. There is so much shared space in NY. And I guess that can get exhausting. There's gotta be a nice medium.